Friday, November 17, 2006

Here are some more pickup lines for your perusal:

How about you sit on my lap and we'll straighten things out

So do ya wanna see something really swell?

Hey that dress looks nice. Can I talk you out of it?

If I flip this coin, what are the chances of me getting head tonight?

* Results may vary

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Do the right thing. Mock retarded people.

I was chatting to one of my friends on MSN the other day and I somehow managed to come up with the aforementioned statement.
If you're really interested, here's how it happened: (if you're not interested, why the hell are you still reading this instead of closing the window?!)

(07:46 PM) :: raZer :: : *awkward silence*
(07:46 PM) -FROSTBITE-: y does silence have 2 b akward?
(07:46 PM) -FROSTBITE-: y cant it just be silent?
(07:46 PM) -FROSTBITE-: with no akwardness?
(07:47 PM) :: raZer :: : it can b
(07:47 PM) -FROSTBITE-: it can
(07:47 PM) -FROSTBITE-: but y does it HAVE to be
(07:47 PM) :: raZer :: : it doesnt, its only awkward if you are not emotionally comfortable with the people that you are communicating with and feel pressured to maintain a conversation
(07:48 PM) :: raZer :: : thats my theory
(07:48 PM) -FROSTBITE-: haha, makes sense
(07:48 PM) -FROSTBITE-: in easy, if ur friends, its not akward
(07:48 PM) -FROSTBITE-: so wat r u suggesting about our relation ship?, i thought we wr good buddies
(07:49 PM) -FROSTBITE-: i guess not, u have broken my heart mr. ****** [surname removed for privacy]
(07:49 PM) :: raZer :: : you're wrong,
(07:49 PM) :: raZer :: : 'mr' has a capital M
(07:49 PM) -FROSTBITE-: haha
(07:49 PM) -FROSTBITE-: changing subjects r we?
(07:49 PM) -FROSTBITE-: creating conversation?
(07:49 PM) -FROSTBITE-: *silence* (but not akward)
(07:49 PM) :: raZer :: : nice weather we're having
(07:49 PM) -FROSTBITE-: hahahaha
(07:49 PM) -FROSTBITE-: lol
(07:50 PM) :: raZer :: : lol, i reckon you also get awkward silences after making a retarded comment, without the other people mocking you
(07:51 PM) :: raZer :: : coz if they laugh at u its not so awkward, but if they're jus silent then u feel like a real douchebag
(07:51 PM) -FROSTBITE-: hahaha
(07:51 PM) -FROSTBITE-: yeah i know
(07:51 PM) -FROSTBITE-: its worse when they silent
(07:51 PM) -FROSTBITE-: not 4 me though, i neva make lame comments
(07:51 PM) :: raZer :: : so you should mock retarded people. its the right thing to do
(07:51 PM) -FROSTBITE-: hahahaha
(07:51 PM) -FROSTBITE-: where did that come from?
(07:52 PM) :: raZer :: : well if u dont mock them then you'll get an akward silence
(07:52 PM) :: raZer :: : and they'll feel like a douche
(07:53 PM) -FROSTBITE-: haha
(07:53 PM) -FROSTBITE-: i dont think they realise
(07:53 PM) -FROSTBITE-: but that was fokkin funny man
(07:53 PM) -FROSTBITE-: props

I don't know of anyone thats got another reason why silences are sometimes awkward, but that's my theory.

Now go tease some retarded people!

Monday, October 30, 2006

I haven't updated in a long time, I know. There is a reason. I didn't feel like it. Stop hassling me about it, ok.

Anyways here are a few new pickup lines for you to try:
"I may not be the best looking guy here, but I'm the only one talking to you"
"That shirt looks very becoming on you, but if I were on you, I'd be coming too"
"Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag"

I've got exams in a week so I'll be busy with that, and after that it's holiday time so I'll be off having fun (I'm trying to say that I won't be updating too often).

That's about it. Goodbye

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

I've got a good idea for an application that I can make.
It's basically a PHP script that I'll put on a webserver, and it'll check my email & MMS my cellphone any emails that I receive.
I know that there are a lot of similar products such as BlackBerry, but you have to pay a subscription for that. There are also cellphones that allow you to check your email via POP3, but that requires you to check for new emails, rather than have them sent to you automatically.

Another (main) reason why I want to do this project is that once I've completed it, I'll be able to incorporate SMS & MMS sending into my web applications, so I could make my website SMS users certain information.

As soon as I have some spare time I'll start work on this...
Well I just got back from Australia on Friday after a 14 hour flight.
Oz was really cool, much safer than S.A, has proper transportation and all that stuff.
I managed to buy the new black 30GB iPod video, which is really awesome coz I've been wanting to get an iPod for a while now.

The downside is that I now have a week's work to catch-up, plus that webdesign manual.
I'm staying home from school on Friday so that I can do some work (It's just athletics at school so I won't miss anything).

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Tomorrow I'm going to Australia for a week.
This is pretty weird, considering that I should be going to school for this week.

I've been busy with boring homework & making a manual on web design, so I haven't even thought about the intrusive holiday.

We're going to see some friends so it should be fun.

Time to pack...

Saturday, September 16, 2006

An interesting thing happened.
I found out that the remote for my house's gate also opens the gate for a house down the street from me.

This is a pretty worrying thing, considering that our electric fence & new gate would be completely useless if someone just had the right remote control for our gate.
I know that remotes work on codes, and its possible for two to have the same code, but its really odd that it opens the gate for a house so close to me. These identical codes should be really rare, but I'll find that out soon.

I'm going to see how many gates my remote can open.
OK, so I got back from camp a week ago.
It's been a really busy week, starting school & stuff.

Camp was pretty cool, but nothing extraordinary happened.
I basically just chilled with friends & had very little sleep (1.5 hours on the last night).
I couldn't find a use for the smoke bombs etc, so I'll have to save them for next year.

The place we stayed at had a crazy dog that had an affinity for shoelaces.
It started when one of my friends (we will call him 'K') decided to feed the dog chappies (I advised against it, telling him that it will probably kill it. I wish.) A few minutes after K gave the dog its first taste of flavoured rubber, it went ape. The dog chomped onto K's shoelaces and refused to leave them. I, naturally, laughed hysterically at the dog & K's predicament.

The dog didn't seem to like that.

It abandoned K and made its way towards me. I got the idea, and bolted down the hill.
Unfortunately our canine friend was a bit of a runner, and I had a bit too much confidence in my ability to land from high jumps.
I "landed" (in some versions of the story I "fell") and rolled into a pole.
The dog promptly landed next to me and attached itself to my shoelaces, where it stayed for the next 15 minutes, much to the amusement of the growing crowd.

Eventually the dog let go of my shoelace for an instant in order to get a better grip on it. I took my chances and made another run for it, but this time I decided to use my intelligence over the dog :D
I ran towards a huge tree, and as we (the dog & I) passed the tree, I stuck my arm out and held onto the tree, doing a 180.
I then ran back up the hill, into the games room and jumped to safety, on the pool table.

Yes, I am ingenious.

Monday, September 04, 2006

Tomorrow I'm going on camp with my classmates.

Last year some interesting stuff happened (some of it to do with shaving cream, late nights & intermingling (think I just made a word) of people in dorms.

I've taken the liberty of adding fireworks, smoke bombs & stink bombs to the list of things to take, so I don't expect it to be too boring.

See you on friday! (yes, I am talking to my computer right now)

Sunday, August 20, 2006

I've got a problem. My mind is defective.

Programming is the culprit.

I wake up in the middle of the night (beginning of the morning, actually) having developed an algorithm to solve a problem for a program that I was working on the day before.

At first, I thought that this was awesome, I would just wake up, without having to do any work, and I would have the solution for something that would normally take me hours to get.

Now I hate it. I can't go back to sleep after waking up, so I normally only sleep until 3 or 4 in the morning. I dream about coding programs, that's how I work out the algorithms; I'm subconciously working on it all night.

My solution is to stop programming. At least for now.
I'll see how it goes...

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Anonymous wanted to know what happened on monday with the principal.
I decided that the only way I could avoid getting more "community service" to do (since I hardly did any) was to tell the truth about my lack of effort.

Raise your right hand if you believed that crap. Now slap yourself.

I forged a letter to the sandton police superintendant (dated 2nd June) which stated that I wanted to help them and that they should contact me asap, printed screenshots for a website of an AIDS clinic that I designed a while back, and added a letter that had a bunch of tasks on it that I needed to do (I needed to make a manual on how to design a website from scratch).

I collected all of my documents, paper cliped them for professionalism, and set off to school.

I've been sent to Mike Russell's (the principal) office so many times, we're practically on a first-name basis.
After taking my usual seat, I began my patter.

I told Mike how I tried for months to help the police, and yet they wouldn't return my phone calls, didn't tell me who to speak to, and didn't seem like they needed any help at all.
Mike bought it, and told me that I just needed to finish doing the manual (thats a bitch) and after a few subtle hints by me, suggested that I help the new head of IT with the school network (which means that I get inside access to some stuff I've been wanting to mess around with)

All in all, it was a pretty good meeting!

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Have you heard of the Buffalo Theory?
It makes plenty of sense, here it is:

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and the weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as its slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. And, naturally, the slowest and weakest brain cells are attacked first.

And so, it can be hypothesized that regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, resulting in a faster and more efficient brain.

Hence, the reason to why you always feel smarter after a few beers!

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Hello everyone. D from Dclaim has been pushing me to update the blog, so here's the update.

This is what happened today at school:

9:15: Told by my headmaster's secretary that he's been waiting for me to see him for the past 3 months wrt the website I made about the school. I told her that I had no idea he wanted to see me (which is true) and that I'd be glad to see him (not as true as the first thing). Long story short, I've now got an appointment with the headmaster on monday morning, even thoough school closes this friday.

9:20 - 13:00: Did a boring first-aid course with an annoying prick that couldn't make it into become a doctor (or even a nurse!).

13:01: Prick told us that we had to clean up the class before we could go home, and blocked the main door to get out of the room. I plotted a plan to exit through the back door with two of my friends. We headed off towards the door.

13:02: Unfortunately, the back door is almost directly opposite the front door, so Prick saw our ingenious escape, before uttering "Hey you guys! Come back!". We bolted down a staircase and then across the school, taking a rest after reaching a safe distance.

13:03: Our safe distance wasn't so safe, and Prick pounced on us. After informing us that we were "F$cking @ssholes", and that "there are always a few...", he booked us and was jolly enough to divulge his plan, which was to give our names to the headmaster.
I thought about offering to chat with the headmaster about it (since I'd be seeing him anyways), but managed to keep quiet.

I wonder what's going to happen on monday...

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Exams are finally over, which means that its just 1 more week until holidays!

I'm gonna party, sleep late, watch movies and sell my programs!

If you're wondering "Hey man, how come you haven't updated this thing in so long?", I'll tell you why I haven't updated it - Shut The Fuck Up.

Monday, June 05, 2006

LOL, e-tv is brilliant! (this is an actual photo, completely uneditted!)

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Palindrome - 1. a word or phrase that reads the same backward or forward. 2. a rare instance when a dyslexic is right

Friday, May 26, 2006

Cop pulls over taxi.

Cop says: "License please."

Taxi driver says: "Eish! For What?"

Cop: "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Taxi driver: "Ahh, boss! I slowed down, and nobody was coming."

Cop: "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License please."

Taxi driver: "What's the difference?"

Cop: "The difference is you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law.
License please!"

Taxi driver: "Heish ... if you can show me the difference between slow down
and stop, I'll give you my license and you give me the ticket, if not you
let me go and no ticket."

Cop says: "Exit your vehicle, sir."

The taxi driver gets out of his taxi, whereupon the cop takes out his batton
and starts beating the crap out of the taxi driver and says: "you want me to
stop or just slow down?"

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Last night while I was lying in bed & trying to sleep, I thought about why so many people have their own blogs.

I reckon it's because people just want to feel as if their lives are important, and that people would want to know what is happening in their lives.

Now, the only people that I can think of that would happily read about the boring lives of people are losers that have no life, and professional blog readers.

Just a thought...

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Well I had a meeting with the headmaster of my school.
I have to write a letter of apology to the school, setup an IT center for a charity organization thingy and teach the Police at the Sandton Police Station how to use computers.

It's not too bad punishment, considering what they could've done.

Time to work on my next evil project...

Thursday, April 06, 2006

My school found out about a website I'd made as a parody of their website.
It said some defamatory things about them, mostly untrue stuff, and they weren't very impressed with it.

Now they want to press charges over a tiny little site I made about them, that was just for me and a few friends to laugh at.
I didn't intend to harm the school's reputation, but they obviously think that I did.

I've taken down the site, and I'll see what happens tomorrow.

I needed something to cheer me up. As usual, Homer Simpson came to the rescue with two of his pearls of wisdom:

"If there's one thing I've learned, it's that life is one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead"

"I like my beer cold ... my TV loud ... and my homosexuals flaming"

Saturday, April 01, 2006

#1 Pickup line of all time: "Hey, does this rag smell like chloroform to you?"

Friday, March 31, 2006

So, tomorrow is april fools day.
Its pretty annoying being a Saturday since I won't be able to prank people at school nicely.
I've decided I'll have to phone them early in the morning and tell them some crap. Not as fun as giving them laxatives and watching them cr@p themselves (an oldie but a goodie), but its the best I can do in these dark times.

I've already been pranked by someone (even tho its not yet April 1st).
If it was you that called me then well done, you win a prize! Just sms me your name and address and I'll send it right over ;)

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

I've just been released from one of the worst lectures I've had to endure in the 16 years that I've been causing shit.

It all started when the neighbours called the cops- no, wait. it was before then...

My parents decided to go away for their anniversary for the long weekend. I decided that since we were in the festive mood, I'd throw a house party. I thought my parents would have enough to plan with their own holiday, so I thought I wouldn't bother them with my brilliant plan.

Sunday came along, my parents weren't at home and my friends dropped by. (2:30pm)
We kicked off the party with some Metallica music (since the concert was the night before) (2:32pm)
We had fun drinking jesus juice (3:12pm)
More friends came by bike (3:21pm)
I tried speeding down an insane hill at the bottom of my garden on a friend's bike, then pressed the front brake (I thgouht it was the back brake) (3:35pm)
Ripped my shoulder, grazed skin off my left arm and landed on my left buttock (3:35pm)
Lots other people came, drank, hooked-up and chilled (until 11:12pm)
Nextdoor neighbours called the cops (PoPo/5-0/Pigs/) and they called my parents (I dunno what time, I was pretty smashed)
I cleaned up all the drinks and stuff (1am)

Oh shit...this was meant to be about that lecture my parents gave me. Well it was pretty bad, but I'm sure you've all had lectures and they're all about the same. ("You must be open with us..." / "Take responsibility for your actions..." / Other shit like that)

The party was awesome tho!

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Cash In Transit Heist

Today, while driving home from school, I witnessed a cash in transit heist!

It was pretty weird, seeing a bunch of guys with guns running around in the middle of the day trying to jack something that looks like its been on Pimp My Bakkie.

Well that's my excitement for the week...
Can't wait for the weekend!!!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Do you ever feel like you're leaving everything for the last minute?
You get home from a boring/tiring day at school/work and you just want 2 sink into that comfortable chair/bed of yours, or mindlessly sit infront of the TV watching someone getting a pool-table, jacuzzi, and 7.5 LCD monitors crammed into their ride.

BUT you've got an Afrikaans test tomorrow, 2 English essays for Friday, and 7 maths questions.
You really should get started studying and writing essays, but instead you end up doing nothing for the rest of the day.

This ever happen to you?
Of course it has, thats why you're reading this crap instead of doing your homework you bloody procrastinator!

And now I've successfully wasted another day when I could be doing homework, even tho my english teacher will probably eat me tomorrow for not doing my essay.

Anyone kno of a good place to get an essay on how "Life is a game, and Holden Caufield is an outsider to society because he doesn't play the game"?
;-) (If you don't know how to read smileys, tilt your head to the side, and slap yourself. You don't deserve to be using a computer!)

Monday, March 13, 2006

Chuck Norris

Today, I discovered the wonder of chuck norris jokes.
Here are some of my favourites: (I didn't create any of these)

  • Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure
  • When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women
  • Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits
  • Chuck Norris isn’t lactose intolerant. He just doesn’t put up with lactose’s shit
  • Chuck Norris actually died ten years ago, but death is too afraid to tell him
  • Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, water gets chuck
  • Chuck Norris tells Simon what to say
  • Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as "Stephen Hawking"
You either love them or hate them. I love them

Friday, March 10, 2006

Internet Explorer vs Firefox

I just thought I'd comment on Internet Explorer and Firefox.
There are plenty of uninformed people that believe that Internet Explorer is the best web browser. As justification for this inane statement, they claim that it is the best because it is the most popular.

That ain't right.

There are other, better informed people that believe that Firefox has unbelievable security and is the best webbrowser.
That's not hundreds either.

While you are much less likely to get viruses or spyware while using Firefox, this is not entirely because of the fact that Firefox's security is outstanding, but rather that Firefox is still a very new webbrowser compared to IE, and it has very few people using it. Spyware programmers would rather make their spyware apps work on IE, which abt 87% of surfers use, compared to just 8% owned by Firefox.

I expect that in years to come, there will be more viruses that can infect you thru Firefox, but they will be patched much faster than in IE.

I think that Firefox is far better than IE, simply because it is Open Source Software which means that bugs are found quickly and updates are available very often.

So if you don't have Firefox, download it from Mozilla now at

Team Members

Today I became team members with D from Dclaim so have a look at his blog.

If anyone else wants to become a team member, just let me know.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

My Blog

Guess what? I'm sure none of you will believe it, but today I started my own blog! [shock]

hmm... I guess you knew that since you're already here.

ahh well, go back to your miserable lives!

Control Your Dreams

Lucid Dreaming: Introduction

I just found this wicked 'tutorial' on how to remember your dreams and actually control what you do in them without waking up.
It sounds brilliant. Imagine being able to fly wherever you want, or finally get paris hilton, tara reid and brittney spears that hot chick from school/varsity/work in one room.

One of my cousins can already do this stuff and from what he's told me it sounds awesome!

I haven't read the whole thing yet, but I'm about to.

Burnt Croissant

Today, I put a croissant in the oven for breakfast.
Then I switched on my pc and visited some of my favourite sites to c if they'd been updated.
A few bytes later, my dad comes to me and tells me that my croissant is being burnt in the oven!

This made me think about how long I spend doing nothing at all on the internet.
What has my life come to, that I sit in a chair for hours, looking at a screen filled with useless information, while life passes by leaving me behind.
And when you're left behind in life, your croissant gets burnt.

Yes, you're right, this was just a completely uselesss bit of information that wasted a few seconds of your day.
See what I mean?